June 2023 photo:
Nancy Butler, Florence Butler, David Butler, Robin Butler Eliason
(click image for detail)
Robin Eliason wrote:
I know that you many of you have been touched and inspired by our mom. I just wanted to let you know what was going on ... she turned 98 a couple of weeks ago but has been in declining health for over a year. I guess at that age, there's no way around that decline. A bout with bursitis in her hip in spring of 2022 reduced her mobility quite a bit to the point she was pretty much confined to the house and front deck. Over time, her memory has faltered too. I was in denial putting that down to old age, but a recent increase in confusion has finally made me admit that it's dementia (that was helped along by a couple of nurses using the d-word).
We believe that mom has entered the "end of life" phase that comes before "active dying". She's sleeping 20 hours a day and eating and drinking only the tiniest bits. Her doctor gave us a referral for hospice and they have determined that she is eligible. One of the qualifications for hospice is the expectancy that the end is within 6 months, but obviously that varies. A hospice nurse will visit 1-2 times a week and is on call 24/7 should anything happen. They are also sending a home health aide to help with anything we need -- she gave mom a shower and shampoo on Thursday (something that's been a challenge for me recovering from the broken wrist surgery that has my wrist immobilized and weak). Mom enjoyed the "spa treatment" of having lotion massaged into her legs and feet. We are grateful to have such an outstanding hospice program locally. Those nurses are true angels.
Mom is cheerful and doesn't seem bothered by the confusion. When I ask her my name, she responds immediately "George" with a little smile and glimmer in her eyes. I think she's messing with me. But when the nurse asked her my name, she couldn't tell her. A couple of times recently she's identified me as her daughter but another time I was her aunt. When we look at pictures, she mostly can't identify people. Anyway, I can no longer be in denial about dementia.
David had a good visit with mom in June. And Nancy has the flexibility of tele-working a bit so she's been able to visit and work from here several times this year (including two life-saving trips when we had covid in April and she came to let us isolate from mom and then, most recently, when I broke my right wrist and had to have surgery). Every time Nancy visits, she makes some improvement to mom's house to make it more safe or comfortable for mom (we all know she inherited those handiwork skills from mom).
We are so lucky that she's right next door so we can easily care for her and keep her safe. And we're even luckier that she's been in our lives for 98 years. She is the coolest mom and most amazing person. It's beyond sad to see her confused like this.
Just call me George.
Please keep her in your thoughts.